National Holiday Declared for Hussein

The Topeka Capital-Journal is reporting a departure from accepted tradition of creating a holiday after the recipient has killed a dragon or rescued the fair maiden. In honor of the first president with the thinnest resume in history and the least experience ever recorded for an incoming POTUS-Elect-- a new holiday, in his name, will be created. You got a problem with that? Oh, you are so history. You don't understand that the holiday, once celebrated for RESULTS will now be celebrated for "essence" not mere crass accomplishments. Henceforth and as long as the grass shall grow and the rivers run shall you define yourselves by what you have accomplished, which is to say: nothing and thereby create an identity for yourselves. Therefore, this National Holiday will now and forever more be a celebration of the essence of the incredible lightness of POTUS-Elect Hussein. Celebrate and dance to the music of his being. Expiate your sin of guilt and celebrate. You. All.

Plans are being made to promote a national holiday for Barack Obama, who will become the nation's 44th president when he takes the oath of office Jan. 20.

"Yes We Can" planning rallies will be at 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. every Tuesday at the downtown McDonald's restaurant, 1100 Kansas Ave., until Jan. 13. The goals are to secure a national holiday in Obama's honor, to organize celebrations around his inauguration and to celebrate the 200th birthday of President Abraham Lincoln, who was born on Feb. 12 1809.

At 7:30 a.m. on Inauguration Day, Obama Cake will be served at the downtown McDonald's, and a celebration is scheduled for 8 p.m. to midnight Jan. 20 at the Ramada Hotel and Convention Center, 420 S.E. 6th.