Thug First Class (TFC) Abu Zayd's Captured Letter to Thugmaster al Zarqawi-Subject : Bitch Session

TFC Abu Zayd AKA Emir of Farming Reform Brigade West Side (FFRBWS) Mosul wrote a letter to Zarqawi (recovering out of country due to severe heat stroke from a heat-seeking-thug-blaster) couldn't find a stamp and mail the damn thing before U.S. troops were all over his hide out, like fleas on a old coon dog, captured his office, tore up his furniture and read his mail. Life sucks and then your letter is all over CNN and the blogsphere. We have here a few paraphrased money sentences gleaned from the CNN Report:

Zarqawi Dude, The replacements you have sent us are losers and consequently our attacks have decreased. Man, these guys are going for quanity and not quality and I don't have to tell you what a dead end street that's going to be. Also coordination among thug leaders sucks. Everyone is out for themselves protecting their own turf. You know we have to work together to defeat the American Marines especially the LAR running dogs and their war pigs --you should only see what they did to my collection of videos (you know the one's I mean wink, wink) at my last hideout. In addition, our war chest money is being squandered. Yes, I know that will piss you off but I gotta be straight with you, dude. The boys are squandering the money on fast cars, cheap booze, broads and cell phones. I know, I can't believe it either. I can understand broads but CELL PHONES!!
Dude, forgive me, I don't want this letter to be a total bummer for you I know you are recovering and all but, dude, you got to get on this: housing sucks, big time, you know. We can't keep staying in these rat holes with/out AC. We just can't, you know. Pay checks. We haven't been paid on time. Dude, our paychecks haven't been on time since I got here how long does it take those office pogs in finance to write one lousy check. I talking serious now, this shit really pisses me off so I might just send one of those shit-for-brains-suicide-jockeys to wise up those lazy office pogs. Top Emirs: These lifers are dead weight. You got to replace these guys all they do all day is suck up Starbucks coffee and bitch about staying current on their MCI's. Major loooossers, dude. They gotta go, dude. Also, did you know I was left out of the last power decision session? You know anything about that. I know it was probably a mistake, dude, you being sick and all but dude check it out, OK and see about my missing paychecks. Ok dude, Mosul ain't cheap, you know. Later.

CNN.com - Iraqi insurgent writes of�flawed leadership - Aug 6, 2005