Just give me a cigarette, Joe, I already got a Purple Heart Are you ready for this--to save money--the cost conscious nannies at the Pentagon don't want you to smoke anymore: No cigarettes sales on base. No cigarettes while in uniform.
Thats affirmative Marine and Army combat vets, your formerly nicotine stained hands that defend America from bloodthisty evil orcs will henceforth be forever tobacco free according to Jack Smith, the Grand Poobah for the Pentagon office of clinical and program policy, who wants to tidy up his budget by cutting out cigarettes for military personnel.
"Any tobacco use while in uniform should be prohibited," concludes a study by the Institute of Medicine and Jack Smith concurs: "We'll certainly be taking that recommendation forward."
The study found that tobacco use increased after the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan started as combat troops worn out by repeated deployments relied on tobacco for stress relief. Tut, tut. Who would have thought! My god, Einstein himself could not have figured this out.
The Pentagon study found that the biggest offenders are Marines and Army soldiers, what a surprise, who have, what a coincidence, killing the lions share of orcs in Iraq and Afghanistan. What could explain this anomaly?
Elementary, my dear Smith, evidently, there is a connection between the high stress of killing orcs, reading them their rights and excessive cigarette smoking! At present, 37% of soldiers smoke while 36% Marines follow suit. Where is the Air Force is this study?
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
Cigarette smoking is caused by an over abundance of garrison warriors!
The solution is quite simple, really, simple.
Effective immediately ship all garrison warriors to the front lines relieving the stress on combat troops worn out by repeated deployments. link
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